lienne: A fountain pen nib, lying on paper. (Default)
some kind of horrible inertia i don't even know

c'mon self it's not going to be that bad

except now it will because you went and skipped two hours of the eight you should be getting to sleep in

(had a cold, don't have a cold anymore, going back to work now, stressed over things)
lienne: Outer space. (emotion: not in touch with reality)
But the substance of my life is fucking depressing. I'm not in crisis or anything, at least I don't think so, I am just full of ugh and empty of motivation.

Here I am going to insert a cut for Talking About Depression Shit.

a cut )
lienne: A fountain pen nib, lying on paper. (Default)
Trigger warning I guess; also, I feel it is important to say before I start writing the rest of this entry that I am in no danger, and you can stop worrying now.

A dramatic retelling of my thought processes. )

Really, I just need to pin down my sleep schedule and stick to it like a burr. And people wonder why I try not to screw around with my wakeup/sleep times. Fuck. If I wasn't going to bed within spitting distance of midnight and waking up within spitting distance of dawn, maybe I could get a better handle on this bullshit.
lienne: A fountain pen nib, lying on paper. (Default)
:(

I was tossing and turning and shivering all night. I vaguely remember a dream, but I can't quite pin it down so that may be wishful thinking on my part.

Goddammit.

The fact that I have a sore throat now thanks to the dry winter air really helps nothing.
lienne: A fountain pen nib, lying on paper. (Default)
I am tired.

I have been tired for about a week now.

I would like to not be tired.

What do you do to wake yourself up?

:(

Sep. 20th, 2008 05:52 am
lienne: A fountain pen nib, lying on paper. (Default)
It's six in the morning.

What:

1. am I doing up this early, seriously, the fuck

2. is up with the slightly gritty phlegm I just extracted from my throat, I mean, am I just a walking disaster zone today?

3. should I do to fall back asleep again

4. is wrong with this picture

D:
lienne: A fountain pen nib, lying on paper. (Default)
...

Sanity. I had some a minute ago. Where did it go?


I... what. Reading and sleeping are... somehow metaphors for one another? And I seem to have convinced myself that I can do both at the same time.

*sigh*

I need to let go of the idea that it's a sign of weakness to have breakfast before six PM. All this lightheadedness is interfering with my already-minimal functionality.

EDIT: This is a warning to anyone I might interact with today. Ask me if I've had breakfast. If the answer is no, expect me to make no sense. At all. 'Kay? 'Kay.
lienne: A fountain pen nib, lying on paper. (Default)
I've been involved in the transfer of boxes since nine AM, it being now three PM.

My brain is elsewhere. Possibly I left it in Markham.

zzzzzzz

I need a nap, but what I'm getting instead is some more walking around and then dinner.

x_x
lienne: A fountain pen nib, lying on paper. (Default)
Exhaustion: not letting up.

Wakeup times: early, and with creepy dreams. (I stole from a Chapters by accident! Wtf?) On the plus side, I can go back to sleep after. On the minus side,

I literally forgot what I was saying there in the middle of the sentence. That should tell you how tired I am lately.

Staying up late so I'll sleep later: not effective.

Aaaaaaand... ability to motivate self to get shit done: minimal to nonexistent. I might end up not going to one of my classes today, purely because I feel like shit and don't want to face up to the fact that I didn't get my homework done. I want to say this is depression-related, but the ability of my brain to think coherently for solid intervals longer than about thirty seconds is fucking shot.

Edit: Caz-- font-wise, what do you think about Georgia as a replacement for Century Gothic?

Second, more topical edit: Hi, exhaustion so bad I literally have trouble standing up straight. How're you today?

Going to: a) get dressed b) have breakfast c) go to Psych. I can always catch up with Russian, right?

This is two years in a row now everything's started going to shit in late January. What the fuck, brain. What the fuck.

-_-

Jan. 26th, 2008 09:35 am
lienne: A fountain pen nib, lying on paper. (Default)
I've been constantly tired for the past... week? More than?

I would like to know why sleep has stopped refreshing me, please. And then I would like to go back to having a neutral state of "upright and functional" instead of a neutral state of "dozing" and/or "slouched over staring glazedly at the computer screen".

Nrrrgh.
lienne: A fountain pen nib, lying on paper. (Default)
Went to bed at seven PM; got up at midnight.

Went to bed again at four AM; got up at eight.

Why? How? What on Earth?

*headdesk*
lienne: A fountain pen nib, lying on paper. (Default)
1. Saying "that's disturbing" while reading a Gaiman story is deeply redundant.

2. Read enough Gaiman in one shot and the mind becomes ruined for all other forms of writing. The thought of reading fanfic right now turns my stomach.

3. On the flip side, I am without a doubt a better writer with a little Gaiman in my mental stomach, slowly digesting.

4. Read enough Gaiman in one shot and you'll start acting like you live in a Gaiman story. Which means I'm constantly looking for the twist and wondering whether that butterfly will be the one whose wings lead me to the oddly detailed porn scene how the rules of ordinary reality will next be bent in strange and vaguely creepifying ways.

5. It's possible the above sentence was influenced more by sleep-cycle fuckery than by anything that's GNeil's fault. Especially the part about the butterfly.

6. God, I love Fragile Things.

7. My HTML, let me show you it.
lienne: A fountain pen nib, lying on paper. (Default)
I now define exhaustion as the point where I stop multitasking.

That is to say, the point where I'm in several RP threads and whenever I'm not tagging I have my head on my desk and my eyes closed.

Normally I fill in those empty spaces with icons, writing, random Flash games...

Today? Not so much.

God, I need sleep.

Goddammit.

Jan. 5th, 2008 06:59 am
lienne: A fountain pen nib, lying on paper. (Default)
Okay, so.

I used to be able to nap for predetermined lengths of time with no trouble.

Now, apparently...

*cough* I go for a nap at ten in the evening and end up conking out and waking up again at two in the morning fresh as a daisy, only to feel like crashing again around seven AM.

Good goddamn. *sigh* And I was planning to use that time to RP!

Perhaps if I go to bed within the next half hour, all will be well.
lienne: A fountain pen nib, lying on paper. (Default)
So. Met Cazamatic. She's awesome. We are Internet OTP. Her Christmas prezzie to me was BEST EVER. (Quartz and rainbows! ♥).

Am exhausted. Yay jetlag/sleepmessedupness.

O_O HERE!

Dec. 26th, 2007 07:17 am
lienne: A fountain pen nib, lying on paper. (Default)
Am in England. Survived flight.

Managed to get us from Heathrow to the hotel without anyone dying or getting lost. \o/ We got off the bus in Hertford at what seems to have been a closed grocery store (Boxing Day, ahahahaha) and I said "Let's go THAT WAY *points* until we find a map, our hotel, or some poor innocent passerby willing to help out a pair of clueless tourists." (I'm paraphrasing.) Turns out the direction I was pointing happened to be exactly the way we needed to go to get to our hotel, which is AWESOME.* XDDDDD

OMFG LESS THAN 24 HOURS TILL I SEE CAZ CAN'T WAIT CAN'T WAIT CAN'T WAIT.

*To clarify, although that fact is indeed awesome, the specific awesome thing I was discussing there was the hotel. Which is fucking fantastic. It's so pretty and clean and nice and and and Internetful! :D!

Edit: ...no wonder nobody cares, it's not even 8 AM back home. Wow. Hello, jet lag. How are you today?

Edit again: Okay, and I passed a LAKE on the bus. Open water, with birds swimming in it. Not a speck of ice to be seen. This, you call winter? What the hell is wrong with this country? XD *snuggles England* ♥ Don't worry. I love you guys and your crazy-ass Christmas springtime.

-_-

Dec. 15th, 2007 09:55 am
lienne: A fountain pen nib, lying on paper. (Default)
Time I went to bed last night this morning: fiveish AM.

Time now: 9:55 AM.

Reason I am currently awake: ...internets, your guess is as good as mine.
lienne: A fountain pen nib, lying on paper. (Default)
I seem to have shot right through insomnia and out the other side, and now I can't go half an hour without nearly dropping off where I sit.

Thanks, brain. That was so helpful.

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