:(

Mar. 12th, 2012 08:26 pm
lienne: A fountain pen nib, lying on paper. (Default)
i've been treating myself really badly this week.

i keep skipping things like sleep and meals and light therapy, and i remind myself not to but then i do anyway, because i just can't make myself go to bed or get food or sit still for my light. and every time i have a moment to myself without anything else to think about it's like i'm just soaking in this vast apathetic puddle of self-loathing. i don't even have the physical or emotional energy to have strong feelings about hating myself, it's just "oh yeah, i'm a worthless turd. what else is new."

...the radio just came on with a commercial voiced by a lady who mispronounced "Toyota" twice. It was "Tayota" the first time and "Tota" the second. And yes, that is what she was advertising. idgi. don't they, like, pay attention to this shit? it wasn't cutesy and intentional or anything, she just couldn't say the word right. what?

anyway.

yeah so that.

whatever, i'll live. hopefully i'll get a chance to catch up on my energy debt sometime soon. it would be just great if i did not respond to exhaustion by getting too stressed/tired to take care of myself and thereby end up making it worse, but eh, have to work with what i've got.

:(

Jan. 9th, 2012 08:51 pm
lienne: Outer space. (emotion: not in touch with reality)
i feel like i am basically a worthless failure and nothing i ever create will be any good and nothing i ever do will amount to anything.

and like

i know that's not true

but i feel like it is
lienne: Outer space. (emotion: not in touch with reality)
But the substance of my life is fucking depressing. I'm not in crisis or anything, at least I don't think so, I am just full of ugh and empty of motivation.

Here I am going to insert a cut for Talking About Depression Shit.

a cut )

things!

May. 21st, 2011 09:11 pm
lienne: Outer space. (emotion: not in touch with reality)
Plus column: job still awesome.

Minus column: busy as shit, not sleeping as much as I should.

Plus column: assorted loves also still awesome.

Minus column: new habit of digging my fingernails into my palms so hard the dents stick around for a day is the opposite of awesome.
lienne: A fountain pen nib, lying on paper. (Default)
I am ignorant about everything ever and completely incapable of doing anything useful or interesting and generally a waste of air.

^^^^ I'm pretty sure that thought is not an objective, accurate assessment of reality. Now if only I could make it go away.
lienne: A fountain pen nib, lying on paper. (Default)
From [livejournal.com profile] jazalove. Edit: Various and sundry kinds of TMI in the comments! *cough*



and here... we... go. )



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